The world’s most grandiloquent toilet

imageI was eating a bowl of ‘luxury’ muesli this morning contemplating the irony of calling muesli luxurious, considering it’s purpose and function. It’s another example of inflationary language.

Now Wired reports the ultimate in misplaced grandiloquence: the Kohler Numi toilet.

According to the manufacturer’s website, this $6,390 convenience “combines unmatched design, technology and engineering to bring you the finest in personal comfort and cleansing. From its striking form and features to its unrivaled [sic] water efficiency, the Numi toilet marks a new standard of excellence in the bathroom.”

I particularly liked ‘personal comfort and cleansing’. It’s not only grandiose, it’s also coy.

I also enjoyed the pictures of sophisticated, glamorous people on the site as decoration. Obviously, they’re not actually using the product. In fact, they look like they never crapped in their life but if they did, it would smell of designer perfume.

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Come on, Kohler, where’s the irony? Where’s the humour? Or does everything have to be ‘stylish’, ‘designer’, ‘luxury’ and ‘exclusive.’ What’s next? Nappies by Versace?

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6 Responses to The world’s most grandiloquent toilet

  1. Bill October 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm #

    I do hope they’ve just parked it in the living room and are standing round waiting for a plumber to fit it.

    I don’t care how lovely the throne is…I find the idea of a glass walled bog disturbing – even if you do get to wave to the models by the pool or show your contempt for the city below.

    • Matthew Stibbe October 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

      I know. But even worse, what if it was just there in the living room and someone thought it was plumbed in and it wasn’t. Now THAT would be a publicity photo you wouldn’t want to put on the internet.

  2. Lorraine October 13, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    Wait a minute. Am I the only person who notices the Numi is installed in the LIVING ROOM? (Likely these haute bourgeoisie call it the “Great Room.”) As well as being in a public room, their Numi is surrounded by glass walls, suggesting they see defecation as performance art.

    Now that’s humorous.

  3. Penman October 14, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    This is a wonderful advert. I note the other comments but especially love the idea of a ‘new standard of excellence in the bathroom.’ I thought I was pretty good, but clearly now I have a new target. My wife, a nurse, spends a lot of time measuring quality in this area so maybe it can help her. I suspect someone did not think this through when they pressed the lets-apply-cliche-marketing-terms-to-this-advert button.

    • Matthew Stibbe October 14, 2011 at 11:33 am #

      I wonder if there’s anything that’s beyond luxurification.

  4. free interior decorating ideas February 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    I love the design of this toilet. If it was cheaper I would buy it for my home. Maybe you can also decorate your living room with that, in order to have an alternative interior design. :)

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