I received this opening sentence in a press release today:
… McAfee, Inc. (NYSE: MFE), the leader in Intrusion Prevention and Risk Management solutions, today announced that …
If you deleted the word ‘solutions’ here, it would mean the same thing but, with fewer words, it would be more assertive. Also, in passing, why capitalise Intrusion Prevention and Risk Management? If they’re not proper nouns, don’t capitalise: doing so makes it harder for people to read. So, my version would be:
… McAfee, Inc. (NYSE: MFE), the leader in intrusion prevention and risk management, today announced that …
Believe me, McAfee, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
Related posts:
