The most popular search term on Google for this site is “How to interview.” I thought it would be fun to subvert the usual ‘how to…’ post with some some top tips for really screwing up an interview.

1. Arrive late. Shows disrespect and/or incompetence. Also it irritates the other person. (See How I trained myself to get up earlier.)
2. Fidget during the interview. Confidence is attractive whereas nervousness can be misinterpreted as boredom or irritation, which creates negative feeling in the interviewer.
3. Wet fish handshake. This will make the interviewer think you are a) nervous, b) untrustworthy, c) too lazy or weird to subtly dry your hand on your trouser / skirt beforehand.
4. Waffle. Don’t give them a chance to change the subject or get through all the questions they have.
5. Don’t listen to the questions. Just say whatever comes into your head. It’s bound to be more interesting than whatever the interviewer wanted to know about.
6. Recite pre-scripted answers. This is particularly good in a journalist interview if you are a big-shot executive with days of media training under your belt. Under no circumstances give them any information they can use.
7. Treat the interview like a test. Try to assume the interviewer is trying to score points and that the interview is a zero-sum game.
8. Lie. It’s fine to lie on job applications and in politics, so why not do it in interviews as well (try not to be caught).
9. Insult down competitors / previous employers. This is always a good one. The interviewer will know that you can stick the knife in properly and he’ll treat you with more respect.
10. Don’t give examples. There’s a big difference between “I am a highly motivated individual with a great sense of personal responsibility,” and “I got up at 6am every day to train for the London Marathon.” Always speak in generalities and fake pieties. Say the same as every other interviewee.
11. Don’t prepare in advance. There’s nothing worse than a know-it-all. Like the chap who won the Apprentice in the UK this year - he was the only candidate who had read Alan Sugar’s biography. Creep.

Related posts: How to interview someone, Why interviews go wrong, How to give good interview.

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